I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
