Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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