I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
