we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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