Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
