Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
