I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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