No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
