I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I need to stop coming to work sober
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
