Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
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Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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