We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
