clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
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My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
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I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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