we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
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he quoted the bible to break up with me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You ruined the universe
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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