I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
