Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
