please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
