I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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