I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
