just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
