Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
