So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
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I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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