i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize