hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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