my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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