Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
