Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
