how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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