i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
