She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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