don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My vagina is officially offended.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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