Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
