i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
