watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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