we have officially lost it.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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