Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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