Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
