What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
