Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize