hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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