what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
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Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
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Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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