I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
