Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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