dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
