Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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