dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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