if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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