U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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