He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
