Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
