I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
