I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
