I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
