Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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