Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
