eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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