It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
