there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
