i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
