I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
