I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
