My first STD was from a foam party
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just had sex on a roof
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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