I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
