Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
