matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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