i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
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You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
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It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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