Sacagawea was the original milf.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
