i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
