Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
