Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
