thus making me awesome and them whores
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
