will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
