i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
